Make yourself a Martin Muntenbruch in 10 easy steps.
Rewind time. Get born in Northern Germany. Do this sometime in the past century. About the time when you can hear the Beatles play. Have warm pretzels in Bavaria and hike up the Alps. Learn to ski. You’re now fit for the rest of your life.
Go to America. Attend an archetypal Midwest high school in Dayton, Ohio. Try to be a good boy and help Batman fight the Joker on national TV. Do this Monday through Friday from 5:30 to 6 pm. Then listen to Led Zeppelin and paint your own picture.
Reject university. Instead work at McDonald’s. Buy a simple Pentax. Hitch hike to Paris and stay for a year. Shoot and make an exhibition called “Das filmische Bild” (The Cinematic Image).
Go to Munich’s premier lifestyle magazine and tell the boss that you can make it look cooler. Create the layout and cover art. Then get hired by the competition as graphic designer and dart off to Berlin.
Tell Foote, Cone & Belding in Berlin that you are their new Pro. Become art director, but sneak off the job to photograph punk bands.
Learn to drive fast. Take the Autobahn to Munich and go to work for Harper’s Bazaar. Copy and paste four double pages per day.
Be even faster. Turn into a professional photographer and make 14 fashion pages per day. Then relax, watch a movie, and become part of the camera team of Germany’s biggest television station, SAT1.
Take a boat trip to Athens and eat 5 to 6 olives per day. Look at Olympic girls covered with marble dust. Take their pictures. Then give them back. Learn the cyrillic alphabet and see your name in headlines in the Greek media.
Move back to Paris. Get yourself an agent. Build yourself a photo studio in the first arrondissement and invite the press. Press the buttons on your best cameras and learn high tech.
Fly to California and climb up to the Hollywood sign. Take off your sunglasses and gaze into the stars. Now drive home. You’ve just earned yourself a Cadillac Margarita with chips and salsa. Enjoy!